Celene Adams | A Whim and a Prayer
To live fully,“[o]ne must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower,” wrote Danish author Hans Christian Anderson – a list to which Mission Hills life coach Sabine Starr might add an Italian Racing Red Alfa Romeo.
Starr, a former psychologist, owns just such a colorful indulgence, which, to her, represents the vitality she’s finally found in life.
Six years ago, “I worked 80-plus hours a week,” she explained. “I loved helping people, but it was really draining. … Psychological work is very problem-oriented. It’s focused on the problem and the symptom, and people are usually really suffering. So pain is the motivation.”
Although she’d studied and trained for years to earn her credentials – first completing a degree at the University of Vienna, followed by hundreds of internship hours, co-editorship of the “Journal of Psychology of the Austrian Association of Psychologists” and a roster of patients in Vienna – Starr knew “something was missing.”
So she made what was for her an uncharacteristic decision – to take some time for herself. Then she hiked the Camino de Santiago, a route that runs from France to northwestern Spain through the Pyrenees mountains. It’s a sojourn thousands have undertaken since the beginning of the 10th century, some for religious reasons and others just to clear their heads. And after the five-week, 500-mile trek, Starr found herself looking at life with new perspective.
“Everything I thought was important before I left just kind of fell away,” she said. “I had new priorities.”
The first was to take better care of herself.
“I knew I couldn’t continue working as I was,” Starr said.
The second was to focus on the present. Instead of trying to resolve clients’ problems by analyzing their history, as her training in psychology had oriented her to do, she would help people pursue their passions in the present: turning the daily grind to gold.
Such alchemical transformation was, in fact, occurring in Starr’s own life. Because as she traversed the Camino, not only was she finding new direction, she was also finding love.
It’s said that love conquers all, but after moving to San Diego to marry her new paramour, Starr learned her Austrian credentials didn’t qualify her to practice in the U.S. Unable to envision going back to school and re-doing thousands of internship hours, she began to grieve the loss of her profession and, coupled with the challenge of adjusting to marriage and a foreign culture, her life might easily have lost its nascent luster.
“Then I heard about life coaching,” she said.
The International Coach Federation, a non-profit credentialing association, defines life coaching as “partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximize their personal and professional potential.” Rather than revisiting clients’ past traumas, as psychologists do, life coaches are proactive and action oriented.
The process is less about assessment and analysis than about learning practical tools for progress. Consequently, life coaching is “for fully functioning people, never for people dealing with psychological disorders,” Starr said.
The profession isn’t regulated, but Starr wanted to become certified so she investigated several training institutes and found herself drawn to one that uses a “life-fulfillment model,” an approach that emphasizes cultivating empowerment over treating pain.
“It was what I’d been missing,” she said. “Fixing problems is one thing, but life is meant to be more than [a lack of] problems. … How to create a really fabulous life, how to feel alive, how to show up for life and be present and be inspired, that’s [living].”
After completing a one-week, in-person training, followed by several months of tele-classes and working with a personal life coach herself, Starr developed the philosophy that now informs her approach with clients.
“The moment I was willing to do something for my life, for me, … I was highly rewarded. Willingness is all it takes. The only thing clients need is to be willing to look [inside] and to show up for their own life,” she said.
The concept was new for the self-described “peace keeper.”
“We all have certain roles in our family,” she explained, reflecting upon why it first felt so unnatural to pay attention to herself. “[Growing up,] I got really good at sensing people’s moods. My mom was … depressed for a long time … so I always tried [to cheer her up].”
Starr had long felt responsible for tending her mother’s feelings at the expense of her own, and she’d perpetuated such caretaking in her work as a psychologist. But, ultimately, doing so had depleted her energy, and she had never learned to give herself the same consideration – a habit that required practice to begin to change.
“It took me over a year before I could meet my own commitments to my own life coach,” she recalled. “So I don’t judge my clients.”
Instead, she said she encourages listening to our “inner music,” “getting rid of all the musts and shoulds,” and “approaching what we want courageously.” Then, “one’s whole life philosophy is different, and different things happen.”
Indeed, different things have been happening for Starr ever since she began coaching. Today she offers not only one-on-one coaching but also group sessions, public speaking engagements, a radio show, a blog, a newspaper column and, as of next year, her first book, “A Better Childhood at 40.”
Yet she said since launching her coaching career she doesn’t feel like she’s worked a single moment.
“That’s one thing I really advocate. Often people’s goals are very chore-oriented. And we can achieve a lot. But the point is, I don’t want it to be a drag. Everything goes so much more easily if we’re inspired and in charge, and OK with who we are.”
Arriving at this point can be complex or simple, time consuming or brief, depending on the individual, Starr said. But, regardless, there is always a “magical moment” when the answer reveals itself, and the client “can’t be the same anymore.”
“The paradox,” she said, “is that [the answer is] inside ourselves, but we have to go on a journey to find it.”
Luckily, hiking 500 miles through the mountains and moving across the world isn’t always necessary. Starr employs a variety of techniques, both from her training as a psychologist and as a life coach, to empower people. Among others, these include how to recognize “energy drains,” be they situations, places, or people; stop downward spirals of emotion and thought; free and redirect preoccupation with the past; establish habits that culminate in reaching goals; learn to listen and hear one’s self; examine recurring unease and underlying dissatisfaction; and relinquish perfectionism for progress.
“One of my favorite suggestions is to ask people to commit to making one mistake a day,” Starr said. “Many people are such perfectionists, and the price is very high. … I take living a fabulous life very seriously, but it doesn’t have to be a drag.”
As Anderson opined, “Just living is not enough.” We also need sunshine, freedom, flowers, a sporty set of wheels – and perhaps a little Starr.
Business name: Sabine Starr Coaching
Business owner: Sabine Starr
Business type: Life Coaching
Years in business: Six
Services: Coaching for fitness, health, weight loss; changing habits; coping with stress surrounding major life events such as marriage, job change, divorce, empty nest
Market niche: Often works with clients experiencing life transitions or who want to learn to practice authenticity and pursue passions
Business philosophy: Willingness to listen to one’s self and take action is all we need to lead a fabulous life.
Website: starrcoaching.com
—A Whim and a Prayer profiles the trials and triumphs of entrepreneurs intrepid enough to put their fanciful ideas and unique talents to the test in today’s volatile marketplace. If you are a local business owner and you would like to be featured in this column, contact Celene Adams at [email protected] or visit writeyourbusinessstory.com.
