No, it’s not going to get any better — those of us who live on a semester basis were hoping that “next semester” it would be easier. Those of us who make New Year’s resolutions say that “next year” we won’t be as frantic. Some of us say we will have time to relax more after we get caught up. But the reality is that “overload” is a major issue, and it’s only going to get worse. There are several reasons for this: Each of us knows far more people than our parents did or that we knew even 10 years ago. These people have expectations that we will spend some time together. So, even what used to be leisure time, having fun with friends, has become a burden — something we must do if we want to keep up all these friendships. I have come to realize that when someone calls to ask if we could get together three weeks from Wednesday, and I happen to have a blank space in my calendar, I will automatically say “yes” and put his name down. Thus, I’ve probably filled the only blank in my calendar without a thought as to whether I really want to see that person in three weeks. In other words, I give control of my calendar to whoever the next caller is. And then we have to reciprocate. At work it isn’t any easier. There is so much information available now that not keeping up with it puts us behind. Expectations from bosses as to performance mean working evenings and weekends. Expectations from colleagues for a helping hand, a chat or a drink after work mean time away from families, who also have expectations of their own — for most of us are spouses, parents or children of aging parents. Often it is the family that gets short shrift, and the result of their expectations of some time together, which go unheeded, make us feel guilty. I believe that the cause of much of the stress we feel is not meeting others’ and our own expectations of what we should do or how we should be. The best way to monitor overload would be to not accept anything new, no matter how enticing, unless you can take off an equal amount of hours from some other project. We tend to add on but not to reduce. Learning to postpone, delegate or refuse is something at which most of us need to get better. The skill to say “no” or “not me” or “not now” is difficult to acquire because it feels like if we reject the other’s request, we are either rejecting the person or the legitimacy of the request. Saying “no” to someone means other things have a higher priority, and we don’t like telling people that their needs have less importance. In other words, we’re too nice, afraid we won’t be liked if we refuse — or too insecure, afraid that there won’t be another opportunity. Well, we may be right, but is the price worth it? We have theater and concert subscriptions that we attend because we have paid for the tickets even though we’d rather stay home that night. We go to parties and fund-raising events that we know will be boring, but we promised … On the other hand, we live in a community that requires some obligations. How does one walk that fine line between time for oneself and time for more social pursuits? Not only do I have a stack of books I will read “someday,” but I have a pile of journals, a file of unread articles, last week’s Sunday papers and now a new growing mountain: DVDs of programs previously recorded that I plan to watch when I have time. Then there are things that need to be fixed around the house, items that need to be bought — I won’t mention the family photographs, accumulating in shoeboxes, that need to be put into photo albums or the files that need to be updated or the old clothes that need to be given away. The result of all this: a feeling of always catching up but never being caught up, running from emergency to crisis, the panic when facing any unscheduled event, feeling we’re depriving all those around us by not meeting their legitimate expectations of time together. And, of course, we have totally lost sight of our own needs. We do not exercise enough, we eat fast foods, take work with us on holidays and fall into bed at night so exhausted that we fall asleep watching the TV. Being overbooked and feeling overloaded is becoming the national complaint. We need to support one other by being less demanding, lowering our expectations of others and ourselves, and encouraging one another to take time off to live life and not run breathlessly through it. Remember that “not everything worth doing is worth doing well!” I have never seen a tombstone engraved with the words: “I wish I had worked harder.” And I have a foolproof New Year’s resolution: “I will not improve this year.”