Angry boys need guidance
I wanted to share my feelings about the recent tragedy ” the senseless death of Emery Kauanui. While I did not know him or his family, this story can be a lesson taught to all of our children, by their parents, their educators, their community. I have two sons, so it’s prompted me to consider how I am parenting my boys and how I can help teach my children to make healthy choices.
I have had a few discussions regarding who’s to blame. It seems as soon as a tragedy occurs, we human beings look to blame someone. In this case, it was very easy to blame excessive alcohol consumption. But this truly boils down to parenting, and parents remaining very involved in their children’s lives. I do not know what kind of parents these boys have. But given that the boys reportedly had a track record of beating up other innocent people (i.e., the man outside Bully’s who even reported his attack to the police), it seems these boys may have had little parental supervision or guidance. If that is the case, it’s my opinion that the parents need to be held accountable too. Why didn’t they seek intervention for their boys’ ganglike behavior if and when the signs were first seen? Perhaps they did not pay attention to the boys’ cry for attention and help.
When I gave birth to my first son, I read a wonderful book called “The Wonder of Boys,” by Michael Gurian. He explained how a boy needs a solid male role model in his life. The boys who do not feel loved or have a strong male role model in their lives often become part of gangs just to feel like they belong to a group. These boys were proudly calling themselves the Bird Rock Bandits. Also, there is a group called the Windansea Surf Rats, who are of the same ilk ” angry young men. I still recall when the WSR spray-painted anti-Semitic signs on the cars lining the streets along Gravilla Street and Draper leading to the LJ High School a few years ago. These are boys who are in dire need of help. Where are the parents? Before we blame alcohol or drugs, what about the parents of these kids?
I can only hope that this story becomes a topic of discussion for all parents raising sons. Even at 20 years old, these boys still need strong male guidance. Please look at this Web site: http://www.michael-gurian.com.
I was just visiting the shrine outside of Emery’s home. It was extremely sad thinking about how he died right outside the home where he felt safe and loved. My heart goes out to his mother and brothers, and the rest of the people who loved him. Rest in peace, Emery.
Lorri Sabban
La Jolla
