![\"broncos\"](\"https:\/\/sduptownnews.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/11\/broncos-300x178.jpg\" "\\"broncos\\"")
<\/a> Picking on Jared Hess\u2019 inability to tell a story is like kicking a mentally handicapped toddler. It\u2019s too easy. But, since Hess decided to include a shot of a church choir complete with Down syndrome singers to evoke shock and laughter, it\u2019s time to get out my spiked boots.<\/p>\nJared Hess is a cine-illiterate horse\u2019s ass who has no conception of which end of the camera to look through. The pink projectile vomit that frequently punctuates \u201cGentlemen Broncos\u201d has more structure than anything he\u2019s penned. Here is a sentence I never thought I\u2019d write: Hess actually made a film that\u2019s worse than \u201cNapoleon Dynamite\u201d and \u201cNacho Libre\u201d combined. Someone should break his hands so he can never again go near a keypad or a camera.<\/p>\n
Let\u2019s back up. My KPBS Radio producer Angela Carone always reminds me to find one good thing in a movie, no matter how much I dislike it, to talk about. The opening credits, comprised of the cast and crew\u2019s names printed on the covers of pulp sci-fi novels, are lovely to look at. It\u2019s all downhill from there.<\/p>\n
Benjy (Michael Angarano) is a hopeless 17-year-old outsider who puts the EEK! in geek. The home schooled-dweeb, who fancies himself an up-and-coming fantasy scribe, has his mommy (Jennifer Coolidge) drive him to the bus that will transport him to the Cletus Festival. Joining him on his trek to the writer\u2019s convention are Tabatha (Halley Feiffer), a girl more interested in shaking him down for tampon money and Lonnie (H\u00e9ctor Jim\u00e9nez), a teenage \u201cfilmmaker\u201d who already has 84 films under his belt. Since Pedro, \u201cNapoleon Dynamite\u2019s\u201d young Mexican dork who managed to get his face on posters and t-shirts across America, scored so big, Hess reasoned that lightning could indeed strike twice. This time he upped the stakes. Lonnie, whose smile resembles a picket fence after a hurricane blew through it, is directed to flash his gooey, maple syrup grin at the camera whenever possible.<\/p>\n
At the conference Benjy meets his idol, Chevalier (Jemaine Clement), an established novelist whose publisher forced him to attend the seminar. Chevalier\u2019s advice to the budding authors is to change their characters\u2019 names so they rhyme with \u201cvagina.\u201d When his publisher informs Chevalier that his latest epic won\u2019t fly, the desperate author decides to steal Benjy\u2019s hand-written manuscript and claim it as his own. Needless to say, \u201cYeast Lords: The Bronco Years\u201d becomes an overnight sensation.<\/p>\n
There is a film-within-the-film that\u2019s told from the points-of-view of both Benjy and Chevalier. Benjy envisions his Bronco (Sam Rockwell) as a Neanderthal warrior based on his dead father, while Chevalier conceptualizes his protagonist as a gay Hulk Hogan.<\/p>\n
This time around Hess managed to assemble a cast of talented performers who all manage to embarrass themselves. Michael Angarano, who looks the part, knows how to crack his voice on cue and little else. Between \u201cBroncos\u201d and the upcoming \u201cBad Lieutenant,\u201d Jennifer Coolidge appears to have altered her career trajectory by turning from red hot mama to the next Miss Edie minus the playpen and eggs. Jemaine Clement, mastermind behind \u201cEagle vs. Shark,\u201d an equally dismal \u201cNapoleon Dynamite\u201d knockoff, may look like Benicio Del Toro and sound like James Mason, but his performance is decidedly one-note. With a diarrhea-spewing snake wrapped around his neck, Mike White, who co-wrote \u201cNacho Libre,\u201d is the film\u2019s main catalyst for doody jokes. Even the heretofore dependable Sam Rockwell becomes a willing contributor to the film\u2019s awfulness.<\/p>\n
\u201cGentlemen Broncos\u201d is not only the worst comedy of the year (it will make you fall in love with \u201cBeth Cooper\u201d), it could very well be the worst picture of the year. I don\u2019t know about you, but I got more laughs out of Rudolf Hess.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
“Gentlemen Broncos” Directed by Jared Hess Written by Jared Hess and Jerusha Hess Starring: Michael Angarano, Jemaine Clement, Jennifer Coolidge and Halley Feiffer Rating: 0 out of 5 stars By Scott Marks Picking on Jared Hess\u2019 inability to tell a story is like kicking a mentally handicapped toddler. It\u2019s too easy. But, since Hess decided […]<\/p>","protected":false},"author":726,"featured_media":243030,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"11555","_seopress_titles_title":"Scott Marks Movie Review: \"Gentlemen Broncos\"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","jnews-multi-image_gallery":[],"jnews_single_post":[],"jnews_primary_category":[],"jnews_social_meta":[],"jnews_override_counter":[],"footnotes":""},"categories":[11551,11555],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-243029","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-news","category-uptown-news"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/test.sdnews.com\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/243029","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/test.sdnews.com\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/test.sdnews.com\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/test.sdnews.com\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/726"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/test.sdnews.com\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=243029"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/test.sdnews.com\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/243029\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/test.sdnews.com\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/243030"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/test.sdnews.com\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=243029"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/test.sdnews.com\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=243029"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/test.sdnews.com\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=243029"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}