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<\/a>Mojdeh Memarzadeh\u2019s mother died of cancer last year. She drove all the way down from Los Angeles to sit around a table and talk to strangers about death. \u201cI thought myself as very spiritual and evolved and then I realized how unprepared and illiterate I am about the subject,\u201d Mermarzadeh said. A hippie aura surrounds this soft-spoken lady in her 50s.<\/p>\n
Linda Fisher has never lost anyone close to her. She\u2019s in her 60s, but her parents are still alive. No friends or relatives have passed away. However, as a caregiver, she has seen many patients cross the line to never come back.<\/p>\n
\u201cI have always been comfortable talking about death and the anticipation of having people participate in that journey while they are alive and my parents just don\u2019t want to,\u201d Fisher said. She wants to become a Death Caf\u00e9 host in North County.<\/p>\n When Catherine S. lost her son, she felt a deep call to keep his corpse around for a minute. Wash him, watch him, and honor the remains of her offspring before the funeral. She was told that was wrong, and gave up on her wishes.<\/p>\n \u201cI did share one thing about my experience that [Memarzadeh] validated. That was very meaningful for me, to know that I wasn’t crazy like everybody told me I was,\u201d she said. Catherine, in her 70s, was the oldest in our little group.<\/p>\n And me \u2026 I\u2019m in my late-20s, and I have already lost one of the most important people in my life. My grandmother Mar\u00eda, who helped raise me. I shared how after her funeral, I paraded the streets of the tiny village of N\u00edjar, somewhere in the desert of southern Spain, following the hearse and yelling cries of grief.<\/p>\n The Death Caf\u00e9 is a monthly meeting where people gather to discuss death regardless of their age, origin, gender and background. It\u2019s not therapy. It\u2019s not a grieving group. It\u2019s a friendly conversation about a topic that the guests are interested in.<\/p>\n Around 25 nervous-but-hopeful-looking people showed up Jan. 19 at the Kearny Mesa Library for the Death Caf\u00e9. Some were there for the first time, others had attended several meetings before. Of the latter, one has specific responsibility in the creation of the event. Karen Van Dyke is the founder of Death Caf\u00e9 in San Diego.<\/p>\n \u201cThe challenge with our culture, especially in this country, is that we are death-phobic. Death is in the closet, but in Death Caf\u00e9, it\u2019s about getting that conversation started,\u201d Van Dyke said.<\/p>\n Van Dyke has always been interested in death. Her father died when she was 8 and she was diagnosed with breast cancer eight years ago. \u201cI\u2019ve lived [in San Diego] for a long time and San Diegans have been very good to me. This is my way of giving back to the community,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n Our circle of five women in different stages of life who\u2019d never met each other before had very different responses to those queries. The conversation flowed. Laughter arose out of every corner of the room. I didn\u2019t see anybody crying.<\/p>\n<\/a><\/a>The guests were divided into five groups. In the center of each table, a plastic cup held little pieces of paper with proposed topics of discussion: Would you consider living close to a cemetery? Have you made any plans for your funeral? Where do you want to be when you die?<\/p>\n