Morgan M. Hurley | Editor 

Raising awareness one step at a time

Everyone has heard the phrase, “you can’t really understand another person’s experience until you walk a mile in their shoes.”

The YWCA of San Diego County has been turning that phrase into a “teaching moment” for the last six years and on Oct. 9, they will do it again.

The seventh annual “Walk a Mile in Her Shoes” event challenges men to walk — or stumble as it were — through the streets of Downtown San Diego in a pair of high-heeled shoes, while raising money and awareness for Becky’s House, a domestic violence services and support program of the YWCA.

Participants may sign up individually, with groups of friends or coworkers, and even families are encouraged to participate. Cost to “walk” is $40 and only men are expected to put on high heels. Participants are encouraged to raise additional money for the cause through pledges or donations. Those who raise the most win trophies and other prizes, which will be awarded at the event’s after party.

“It is certainly one of the most interesting events we do,” said Heather Finlay, president of YWCA of San Diego County, adding that it’s an easy way to spread awareness about a very serious issue.

“One in four women is a victim of domestic violence, and we’re not even talking about the men,” she said. “Giving people a very light-hearted and funny way to help out and bring awareness is actually working.

“We need men to help us eliminate domestic violence and we’re asking them to walk for a little bit in [women’s] shoes.”

The course begins at the ML King Promenade Park located at  Fourth Avenue and K Street, then travels west up the promenade along the trolley and train tracks, turns north up Second Avenue, east on Market Street over to Fifth Avenue, and then south, down and around back to the start. Finlay said everyone finishes.

“The first couple of years we had an option called ‘buy your way out of your heels’ for $50,” she said. “We would give them pink fuzzy slippers to finish in. Not a single guy did it. It’s all about finishing and it’s all about the competition. There is no way they are giving up the heels.”

Finlay said while they’ve see growth every year, they want to continue to grow the event and get as many men as possible to participate.

“I was really fearful when we started this event that men would do it once and never return,” she said. “But they come back and do it year over year, and bring more people.”

After the men have gotten over the initial shock of the high heels, Finlay said many have approached her to say how much it has made them think about what women do for them, the community and bring to society.

“That’s exactly what we want,” she said. “So it’s actually working and it’s a great event.”

One thing Finlay said she never expected was how the male participants would feel about the shoes.

“I didn’t think men would care what shoes they were wearing,” she said. “But they care. They want a specific color. They want the coolest looking pair.”

And the participants who return year after year go buy their own shoes and show up with some pretty fancy footwear.

For those who don’t have their own, organizers have a huge cachet of extra large high-heeled shoes for men to choose from, as long as they return them after the walk.

All the proceeds for “Walk A Mile in Her Shoes” go to YWCA San Diego County in support of all their programs, but the emphasis here is on domestic violence.

Prior to the event, registrants can stroll around the park and visit the exhibitors on hand sharing information and explaining their supportive services.

This year’s speakers — usually from the law enforcement field and full of statistical data — have not been announced yet, but last year’s speakers were San Diego County District Attorney Bonnie Dumanis and Sheriff Bill Gore.

“We choose members of law enforcement because they deal with [domestic violence] to such a great extent and the information they share is unnerving but beneficial to understand,” Finlay said. “People are always amazed to hear that domestic violence is so prevalent.”

The YWCA has been saving women’s lives since they established the first domestic violence shelter, then called Casa de Paz (House of Peace), in 1978.

In 1999, radio morning show team Jeff and Jer received a phone call on air from a domestic violence victim. The show’s producer, “Little Tommy,” protected the woman by calling her “Becky.” Her abuser was out of town for two days and she wanted to leave, but didn’t know what to do. In just two days Jeff and Jer raised more than $40,000 and “Becky” had a place to go.

Shortly after that call, the YWCA renamed Casa de Paz to Becky’s House, and in 2001 they opened their first transitional housing community, a 10-unit complex. Today, the organization has several undisclosed locations and touts the largest number of emergency shelter or transitional beds for victims of domestic violence in the county.

Finlay, who stepped up from board member to CEO in 2009, said while there are actually three phases of the Becky’s House program, most women only need the first two.

Phase one is the emergency shelter, a place where any woman (or man) who needs to escape an abusive situation immediately, can go. The shelter is open 24 hours a day and seven days a week.

“I’m told we are the only ones that take people in the middle of the night or on the weekends,” Finlay said, adding that ironically it is during those hours that the violence most often occurs.

The emergency shelter has counselors and case managers on staff to help the victims when they arrive.

“It’s a very confusing and frightening time,” Finlay said.

Phase two is the transitional phase, which can last up to two years. Clients are moved to apartment-style housing and set up with an entire legal team to walk them through restraining orders, divorce, child custody issues — the works. Finlay said they also get help developing a plan for what happens next, including how to support themselves and their children once they leave.

Phase three is called “Transitions.” Some people need just a little more help, and in this phase, they get it, including rent for up to one year. At the end of that year, they sign their own lease.

Though statistics often show that many women in domestic violence situations go back to their abusers, Finlay said the comprehensive Becky’s House program and its methods are making an impact.

“The key element to this is providing housing to these individuals,” she said. “If we have them in the program for two years, our data is showing that 98 percent of them don’t go back.”

On the other hand, Finlay was quick to note that many women who come into the emergency shelter stay for 30 days or less and move on, merely needing a safe place to go while they figured out what to do next.

“Every story is a little different and every path that they choose is a little different,” Finlay said.

The staff of the YWCA of San Diego County is hoping that once again, having men walk a mile in women’s shoes through the streets of Downtown to raise awareness and money to combat domestic abuse will make each of those paths just a little less challenging.

Walk a Mile in Her Shoes takes place Oct. 9, from 5 – 9 p.m., starting at ML King Promenade Park at the intersection of Fourth Avenue and K Street, Downtown. Exhibitors, financial sponsors, community partners and volunteers are still needed.

Registration and the exhibitor booths open at 5 p.m., the walk begins at 7 p.m. and the after party starts at 8 p.m. at Joltin’ Joe’s, 379 Fourth Ave., in the Gaslamp Quarter. For more information visit ywcasandiego.org.