Dear Ask: I gave one of my friends a referral for a professional service recently, and the person I referred her to has just been bothersome. He constantly sends out email and weekly phone calls to move his service forward. I feel like my credibility is harmed because of his actions. When my friend sees me, I feel her coolness toward me. Now, my reputation – and even worse, our friendship – is damaged. How can I repair this? Signed: Embarrassed! Dear Embarrassed, Ouch! Networking for trusted professionals has long been the best practice when finding needed resources. Unfortunately, the stories in history still hold true. Solomon wrote in the Book of Proverbs, “He that walks with the wise will be wise, and he that walks with a fool will harm himself.” Euripides, an ancient Greek playwright, penned, “Every man is like the company he is wont to keep.” Even today, we say that someone is “tarred by the same brush,” meaning that friends of a rogue are like the rogue. In 1191, King Richard I declared the punishment for theft by sailors off to the Crusades is to be shaven, have boiling tar or pitch put on the head or body, then dunked in feathers as a painful and shameful treatment. When the friends try to remove the pitch, they get it on themselves. We have evolved from that somewhat, but when a friend turns away from us, we feel the pain. On the other side of this picture is a true respect and trust you share with your friends and ethical networking professionals. Our friends introduce many of our services to us, and we are grateful. Do you really want to choose your podiatrist or dentist by going through a phone book? No. We look to those we respect to make good recommendations. Your reputation in your circle of friends must be more credible than ever before. Technology, like Yelp or Trip Advisor, is a poor substitute for a personal introduction. Should your referral turn sour, you must act immediately. The most important issue is preserving your friendship. This is a difficult, perhaps gut-wrenching action for you to do, because you must meet with your friend, face to face, and apologize. We never like to be in the wrong or feel like we have harmed someone, so apologies are mortifying. The good news about this is that the more we apologize, the easier it gets. The more sincere you are, the more your friend will forgive you. Sincerity is shown when you make eye contact during your conversation and you own up to your mistake. Your true friend will easily accept your apology. The second area of brave action is to confront the person you referred to and explain how his actions are inappropriate and have caused you grief. You might or might not continue your connection depending on whether he mends his ways. Hopefully, he will learn his lesson and never let this happen again. The last arena is always a bit of a challenge. That is the self-examination that stems from challenges like this, especially if you are a professional. We ask ourselves deep questions like, “Am I respectful when someone refers me?” “Am I really listening to what my client says he wants?” “Do I deliver when promised or before?” Sometimes, we realize that we need to shift our own thinking and our own actions to be persons of high integrity. If we are wise, we can learn from other people’s mistakes. Making a mistake does not have to be disastrous, although clearly you cannot learn from a mistake you won’t admit. Owning your mistake can even be beneficial, because through the experience, you become wiser. Someone once said, “Experience is that wonderful quality that enables you to recognize a mistake when you have just made it again!” Has this ever happened to you? Hopefully you will not make the same mistake ever again. Oh, and being “embarrassed” is not you. It is just a feeling that will disappear when you do what is necessary to make things right. Go do it right now! The Retirement Concierge offers estate management services in conjunction with your other advisors and family. We also wrote “A 10-Step Action Plan for Defining Your Mission,” helping Boomers on the verge of retirement to plan, make and manage life transitions by guiding them through a systematic process of discovery and re-creation wherein they write their own rules, make their own plans and reinvent their own lives. TheRetirementConcierge.com, (619) 818-8575.