By Tim Parks

This year’s 82nd annual Academy Awards on March 7 will undoubtedly be remembered as the time that the film institution allowed ten Best Picture nominations into the running. Plus there will be two – count ’em two – hosts for the first time ever in the personas of Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin.

It’s a good thing actors don’t get nods for Best Voice Mail Left to Their Children, otherwise ole Alec would be pulling double duty as host and nominee. And a note to Steve Martin: Leave the banjo at home, please – we don’t need a thumb strummin’ tribute to celluloid.

Something the crazy kids at the Oscars should change is clapping during the “In Memoriam” segment of the show, which shouldn’t be a popularity contest for the dearly departed. I mean who’s to say that Brittany Murphy’s untimely demise wasn’t as important as some of the behind-the-scene folks who keep the Hollywood machinery working? I’m just sayin’. I think the clips should be shown in silence…so there’s my two cents worth.

Now go grab yourself a bucket of popcorn and get ready to gnaw on the kernels of truth about who stands to take a little golden naked man home (no, not Ryan Seacrest –he’ll be wearing a tux during his red carpet duties for E!), and who will just be honored to have been a nominee. Yeah, right.

Best Actress

This year’s pack of females is a mixture of new faces and seasoned pros, and I don’t mean new faces as in they “visited their doctor” recently for a (nudge to the wink) “check-up.” What I’m simply suggesting is that up-and-comers are going head-to-head with madams of the screen.

Great, now I made them sound like prostitutes out to shank their female pimps! Let’s just look at the who’s who for the title of Best Actress.

Playing a real-life person usually equates Oscar gold, so it’s no surprise that Sandra Bullock’s turn as Kathie Lee Gifford in “The Blind Side” is being heralded. What’s that you say? She portrayed a real suburban mom named Leigh Anne Tuohy? That’s just crazy talk – their hair is so similar! Why, it’s uncanny!

Meryl Streep also played it truthfully as cookbook author extraordinaire Julia Child to snag her 16th nomination for “Julie & Julia”; as did Helen Mirren as Sofya, the wife of War and Peace author Leo Tolstoy in “The Last Station.”

Gabourey Sidibe is the title character in the mouthful named film “Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire.” As an abused teenager, Sidibe’s role calls for her to contend with and overcome horrific circumstances in her life, which do not include acting alongside Mariah Carey and her best supporting moustache.

Another youngin’, Carey Mulligan, had her own set of behind-the-scenes dilemmas to deal with when she co-starred with Peter Sarsgaard (gesundheit!) in the 1960s coming-of-age tale “An Education.”

And the winner is: Better break out that bridesmaid’s dress, Meryl, it looks to be Sandy’s year if you go by other wins at the SAG and Golden Globes – although Streep won for comedy and Bullock for drama at the latter event. Wouldn’t it be cool if it were a tie? There hasn’t been one of those since 1968, when Babs Streisand tied with her nose, I mean, with Katharine Hepburn.

Best Actor

For some reason George Clooney is up for another Oscar for “Up in the Air”! It’s all smoke and mirrors, people – he’s the same in every movie. Plus he derailed the “Batman” movies for almost a decade, and I take umbrage with him for that.

Someone who benefited from his failure as the Caped Crusader was Morgan Freeman, who went on to co-star in the latest batch of bat flicks, and now he is nominated for starring as Nelson Mandela in “Invictus.”

Colin Firth (best not to say his name if you have a speech impediment) plays a homosexual during the 1960s who is mourning his lover’s death, while Jeremy Renner is a bomb diffuser (Look out! He’s holding “Ghosts of Girlfriends Past” in his hands!) in “The Hurt Locker.” Jeff Bridges rounds out the performances with his take on the washed-up country-western singer genre in “Crazy Heart.”

And the winner is: My initial answer is anyone but Clooney! But it looks to be Jeff Bridges’ year – let’s just hope he remembers to thank recent “Celebrity Rehab” star Mindy McCready for informing his acting choices for the role.

Support Systems

Matt Damon, Woody Harrelson, Christopher Plummer, Christoph Waltz and Stanley Tucci (plus his toupee) are all up for Best Supporting Actor, while Mo’Nique, Penélope Cruz, Maggie “why the long face?” Gyllenhaal and “Up in the Air” cast mates Anna Kendrick and Vera Farmiga (served best with chicken or veal) vie for Best Supporting Actress.

And the winners are: Christoph Waltz for his turn as a Nazi officer in “Inglourious Basterds,” although Damon might get the pity vote for gaining 35 pounds for “The Informant!” and then not being nominated for said roll, I mean, role. Mo’Nique seems a shoo-in, but Academy voters did crown Cruz a winner in this very category last year.

Best Director

“Avatar”’s James Cameron has become one of the most bankable directors in Tinsel Town, and his knack for helming successful projects is light years away from his first effort, “Piranha 2: The Spawning.” Still, I hope he doesn’t stay on his recent trend of making a film every decade – otherwise, we may never get to see the sequel to “Titanic.”

His ex-wife, Kathryn Bigelow, is the fourth woman to be nominated as Best Director in Oscar history for her work on “The Hurt Locker.” If Quentin Tarantino wins for “Inglourious Basterds,” the success will likely go to his forehead. Lee Daniels (“Precious”…which I think is based on a novel) and Jason Reitman (“Up in the Air”) are also contenders.

And the winner is: James Cameron is truly one of my all-time favorite directors and has done much to re-shape the way films are made and viewed. But I love when history is made at the Oscars, so I want Bigelow to snag the coveted prize. You go, girl! I mean, female director-type person.

Top Ten Films

I was so happy that “Up” and “District 9” were added to the longer list of nominees this year.

Two war films, “Inglourious Basterds” (uh, that’s spelled wrong) and “The Hurt Locker,” are competing with one another, along with “The Blind Side,” “Precious,” “A Serious Man,” “Up in the Air,” “An Education” and a little art house film few people have heard of called “Avatar.” I think it might be French or something.

And the winner is: “Up” was the best film, in my opinion, but it most likely will take home the Best Animated Feature Film prize. “Avatar” is the one to beat this year.

Hopefully this year’s proceedings won’t drag on for hours and hours, and there will be some upsets with those who have been predicted to win – it just makes it more fun when there is an element of surprise involved. And that’s entertainment!