As summer weeks wane and parents scramble to fill empty hours with play dates, activities and excursions, Dr. Richard Farson, La Jolla parenting and marriage author — and father of five — has two words of advice: “Lay off.” In his new book, “Will All Parenting Experts Please Leave the Room,” Farson argues that today’s parents’ efforts to micromanage and protect their children ultimately hinder their development. “Twenty or 30 years ago, the word ‘parenting’ didn’t exist in common parlance,” Farson said. “Instead, there was ‘parenthood,’ which meant the state of being a parent. ‘Parent’ doesn’t mean you’re a raiser of children, it means you’re a producer of children.” The idea that parents can learn a set of skills that will make their children successful, he added, is misguided and forces parents to assume excessive responsibility. “When you give people a responsibility for a situation in which they are essentially helpless, it predictably leads to abuse,” he said. “It doesn’t lead to compassion.” He said he believes child abuse is a major problem in modern American society. Farson argues that despite a falling crime rate, an increased focus on abductions, accidental deaths and myriad other potential catastrophes have produced an epidemic of fear. “As far as I know, La Jolla is not exempt from the general feeling that children need to be protected,” Farson said, noting that many local playgrounds have been stripped of what might be deemed dangerous features. “I’m sure it’s considered a great new advancement, but it keeps children from doing anything very exciting.” This fear, he continued, has forced families into isolation and eroded a sense of community. “Parents are increasingly alone in raising their children,” he said. “When I was a child, strangers would take care of children and button our jackets, wipe our noses, tie our shoes and push us on the swings. Now, parents drive their children a few yards to the bus stop.” Walking down Girard Avenue when he arrived in La Jolla in 1955 was nothing like it is today, he said. “It’s the accidental encounters of friends that make a community,” he said. “You used to be able to walk into an ice cream parlor or the barber shop or laundromat and run into people you know. Now the chances of that are somewhat restricted.” Farson speculated that La Jolla might be more susceptible than other communities to what he called the “soccer mom situation.” “La Jolla is probably more likely to have parents programming their children because we have more money here and we can afford more,” he said. “We won’t let them play in the streets or in vacant lots, climb trees and ride their bikes places.” To encourage academic success or instill other positive qualities, Farson said that setting an example matters more than active teaching. He argued that children who see their parents reading are more likely to become avid readers. “It’s not what you do,” he said. “It’s who you are that will make the difference. While you can make a child wear a sweater, when it comes to anything really important like learning or loving or being honest or truthful, you can’t control that. You have to demonstrate it through the relationship you develop.” The key to developing that relationship, he added, is quality time. “Real quality time isn’t going to Disneyland or getting a giant hot fudge sundae,” he said. “It’s just knowing of each other’s presence, counting on each other, taking risks, scolding them if you need to and knowing you can make up after.” Beyond the basic principle of backing off and giving children free reign, Farson declined to offer more solid pearls of wisdom. “I don’t position myself as an advice giver,” Farson said. “I think when you give people advice, it backfires. Dr. Spock was no better at raising his son than you or I would be.” As for his own brood? “I’ve been tremendously fortunate with my own children,” he said. “I’ve had the normal experiences, but I’ve been lucky. Many times, these things are just luck.” Farson holds a Ph.D. in psychology and currently serves as the president of the Western Behavioral Sciences Institute. A longtime advocate for women’s and children’s rights, he has also recently authored “Will All Marriage Experts Please Leave the Room,” which explores the paradoxes within modern marriage.