Whenever I speak with the zealous supporters of the Children’s Pool seals, I give them several very good, practical reasons why I don’t think 200 seals should be squatting in downtown La Jolla. I always ask them for their counter-argument, and so far all I’ve gotten is: “I like to look at the seals.” OK. You know what? I’d “like to look at” 200 Playboy Playmates out there, prancing about, buck-naked, playfully frolicking in the surf and sunning their beautiful, wild selves on the sand. This is untamed, raw nature that kids in a city (or the country, for that matter) don’t often get to observe up close. I know the boys, at least, would find it educational as all get-out. And they might even attract more tourists! I admit this would be controversial to some, but so what? You see, I “like to look at” the naked Playmates at Children’s Pool — can’t we give them (and me) just one lousy beach to call their own? Well, no, we won’t, because let’s face it, a couple hundred naked babes at Children’s Pool, in the middle of La Jolla Village, just wouldn’t be appropriate, would it? But then again, they wouldn’t be nearly as inappropriate as those fetid seals. Consider the following: 1. Playmates would presumably avail themselves of modern sanitation facilities, thus Children’s Pool Beach — formerly one of the most beautiful beaches in the continguous U.S. and now the most polluted in the county — would no longer stink. And, bonus! Playmates smell good! 2. Playmates would respect the marine preserve, and even if they didn’t, the lot of them could never eat as many fish in a month as a seal eats in a single day. 3. Playmates, while they are very attractive, are not so to sharks. Despite what misinformation you may have read or heard, the recent fatal attack in Solana Beach was the first and only shark attack on a human in San Diego waters, ever. (The “Shark Data Base” in Florida is all wet.) If the seals remain, expect further attacks. 4. Ellen Scripps really did a lot for us La Jollans, but, like Flounder in “Animal House,” she screwed up — she trusted us. And now the council and Kehoe and all the rest of our reprobate “leaders” are doing everything they can to undermine that trust. Why would anybody ever give anything to the city of San Diego again? The presence of naked Playmates, however, would not violate the trust. 5. Presumably, it would still provide James Hudnall and others of his ilk something they “like to look at” without ruining our beautiful town. So, come on, everybody! Save the babes!