Beach cruisers are a prominent part of the landscape in Pacific Beach and Mission Beach, serving as icons of the area’s laid-back atmosphere and playful vibe. However, if you are like this intrepid reporter, you may have long ago parked your bike in favor of a sensible sedan – and in the process, lost touch with the quirky qualities that make this community such a great place to live. So, I decided to ditch my Camry and try cruising the boardwalk for a new perspective. The following are my observations: 11 a.m.: It is a bright sunny day, one of the first we have had after a dismal bout of June Gloom and July Drizzle. I head toward the beach on foot, basking in the sunshine. 11:01: I narrowly avoid being hit by an unwieldy cruiser. She apologizes and wobbles away. Mental note: learn how to apply the brake before entering a crowded area. 11:03: A Jeep full of college-aged boys drives by blasting Katy Perry’s “California Gurls” on the radio, just as I walk between the bright yellow façade of Roberto’s Taco Shop and the whirring, clacking thrill ride that is the Giant Dipper. Mood set. 11:08: I arrive at Wavehouse, where I will rent my trusty steed. A mother-son duo is arguing with each other and the attendants about whether to take on the Waverider. 11:18: After a barrage of questions and lengthy deliberation, the mom agrees to sign Timmy’s life away. I fill out a similar form admitting that I am risking life and limb, hand over my $10 and jump on the rusty trusty bike. 11:20: I decide to head north on the boardwalk, but before I can get momentum, I have another near accident, this time with two young girls on a tandem bike, who fell over in my immediate path. Amateurs. 11:25: I witness a girl on a bike doing her best to steer with one hand while talking on a cell phone. Listen to Oprah: no talking while driving. 11:28: I am on the lookout for some of the people I have seen in this area in the past — namely, the bongo-playing recluse and the man who does pilates on the beach wall. But I get distracted when a man wearing a black trucker hat, a plain white T-shirt and low-riding black shorts glides by me. I swear it was Kevin Federline. 11:34: I start playing “Guess The Tourist” and discover a dead giveaway — the majority are wearing tennis shoes with calf-high socks. To the beach. In the middle of summer. Locals wear flip-flops, period. 11:41: I see a swarm of junior lifeguards in their bright red and yellow outfits. There aren’t too many places where kids spend summer vacation learning how to save lives. 11:46: I reach Lahaina Beach House. It is jam-packed, as usual. 11:50: After Lahaina, the boardwalk narrows to an almost unmanageable width, and I encounter my first “man-pack.” This is a group of at least four dudes walking side-by-side, creating an effective barricade against all the traffic behind them. Havoc ensues. 11:52: I reach Kona’s and try to turn around in a thick crowd. 11:58: I get back to a crowd-free area and decide to see what my bike is made of, cranking it to top speed. 11:59: My glee is derailed when a guy carrying a surfboard decides to turn to look at the ocean. I stop with only a second to spare before being clotheslined. 12:10: Smooth sailing. I think I am getting the hang of this. 12:12: Spoke too soon. Another “man-pack.” When I see a break, I pedal with all my might get around them. 12:18: I arrive back at Wavehouse, incident free, and return the bike to the attendant. So what did I learn? 1) The boardwalk is full of potential landmines for bike riders, 2) you never know when you might run into K-Fed and 3) an hour on a beach cruiser is a great way to experience our unique environment. BEACH CRUISIN’ RECAP Cost of bike rental: $10 Number of near-collisions: at least six Number of real collisions: zero (success!) Number of man-packs: three per hour Number of celebrities sited: ½