You can listen without really hearing what a person says and means. Hearing is optional in the world of partisan websites and pouncing pundits. Will a real listener stand up and be counted in today’s world of rapid rumors growing larger than the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico? Active listening is a dying art. According to Dr. Jim Wyrtzen, a retired pastoral psychotherapist, “It is important to lay aside your judgments, biases and beliefs to hear what the other person(s) is communicating.” How does that work when the media men and women are so far left and so far right that news is no longer sharing objective information but sharing pure spin? Acolytes of these media messiahs only listen to the viewpoint the follower engages in. Bias is belief, and hearing someone out has been relegated to the pile of dinosaur bones because 24-hour cable news, Photoshop and Internet access rule the world of news. Ask yourself if you lay aside biases and hear what another person is really communicating. “Pay attention to what is happening in you and what that may say about you and about the other persons(s)” is the next bit of advice from Wyrtzen. What’s happening inside is a spike in blood pressure, a throbbing artery in the neck, a fist-tightening cry of when-is-this-dude-gonna-be-done attitude. That is what is happening inside the typical 2010 listener who waits to pounce like an owl seeing a field mouse within reach. “Find the part of you that can identify and then go beyond identification to view this in a more objective, larger context, (which you may or may not share with the person(s),” seems to be the answer to good communication. People talk about empathy, but, in truth, it is very hard to practice empathy where you walk in someone else’s moccasins. Hey, doc, can these ideas be implemented in our changing world? Taking snippets of conversations out of context is death to truth. Who hears the opposing party anymore? Before Russ and Rachel, O’Reilly and Obermann, there were Cronkite and Murrow. How many examples of bad listening could you list in a five-minute period? Department of Agriculture administrator Shirley Sherrod was recently fired after the release of a highly-edited, 2-minute, 45-second speech in which she said that she might not help a white farmer to the same degree she would help a black farmer. Sherrod was a victim of poor communication. Andrew Breitbart, an Internet conservative, launched a website that Hannity and O’Reilly of Fox fame supported on the national level. Sherrod’s words were taken out of context and made her sound racist against whites. She was really talking about economic inequity, not race, and she believed that poor whites deserved the attention other minority groups got. The White House, the NCAAP, and the Agriculture Department secretary, Thomas Vilsack, had knee-jerk reactions in agreeing with Sherrod’s firing before the whole truth of her conversation came out. She received a public apology, a chance to talk to President Obama, and an opportunity for reinstatement from the agriculture department. Locally in University City, proponents of the Regents Road bridge and opponents of the bridge seem to have little interest in Wyrtzen’s suggestions on how to communicate well. A huge turnout at City Hall found neighbors deeply divided over the topic when the Land Use and Planning Committee met last month on June 23 to rescind the design contract voted on Nov. 5, 2007. The vote was 3-1 against funding a new environmental impact report and design contract. University City is home to a tightly-knit group of people who have worked together to make the community more than a neighborhood. However, the Regents Road bridge topic has engendered an uncivil war in the community with a communication breakdown and anger. Perhaps it is the almost-four-decades of debating the bridge that is cause for the rupture in good communication. Both sides feel a sense of frustration. A certain enmity exists between opposing groups of people who once may have shared friendships and activities with the other side. It is a shame that people can’t hear the other side without railing against the other side’s view. La Jolla Village News has been an open forum on the editorial page for supporters and dissenters of the Regents Road bridge. Hopefully, advocates and opponents can sit down some day and follow Wyrtzen’s words of wisdom by having meaningful exchanges and hearing what the person is saying; monitoring feelings; having empathy for the other side. University City residents shouldn’t let the bridge topic keep people from enjoying each other’s company. “To say that a person feels listened to means a lot more than just the ideas get heard. It’s a sign of respect. It makes people feel valued.” (Deborah Tannen) Being an active listener, someone who really hears you, is good advice for all of us.