BEACH & BAY PUBLISHER JULIE MANNIS is ecstatic about me appearing every other week. Well, her exact words were, “So, we’re gonna be seeing your ugly mug twice a month now!” What a sweetheart. SOMETHING’S FISHY IN DENMARK — Last week’s earthquake tossed some trinkets off my bookcase. My bronze statuette of The Little Mermaid lost her head. Who knew you could slap paint on a Plaster-of-Paris statue and make it look bronze? “JOHNSON ROD — I haven’t heard that phrase in 70 years,” said Crown Point’s Fred Livingstone. “When I was a kid on Banker’s Hill, we would play baseball in the street. When an auto came along we would stop the game, let the car through, then shout something like ‘Hey mister — your Johnson rod is dragging!’” THE GENERATION GAP — Forty years ago, my new friend,Tom LaShell, and I spent the summer in Europe accompanied by his pal, Steve Barwood. Last week, Tom was laid up at Mercy Hospital and his daughter, Lindsay, called to get Steve’s phone number. “Did you try the phone book?” I asked. “What’s a phone book?” she replied, not entirely in jest. I looked up the number for her. “Can you text me the number?” she responded. I allowed as how I was not on my cell phone and, even if I was, I doubted that I knew how to send a text. NOT AGAIN!! A few years ago, some nutritional group took it upon themselves to analyze various national cuisines. Chinese food, I think they said, was pretty good for you, save kung pao chicken. “Heart attack on a plate,” they reported. Of course, that’s my favorite. The next year they did Italian food. Gave it a general thumbs up, except for fettucini alfredo. Heart attack on a plate — and my favorite. I think they didn’t even waste their time on Mexican food, all of which I love. Not long ago IHOP started putting calorie counts on the menu. You guessed it! My favorite international crepes were the big winners. Thought I might get healthy by eating at Subway. Are you ready? Don’t eat the tuna sandwich, said the radio program I was listening to. Stick with roast beef. They should have just called and asked me my favorite sandwich. THERE IS A GOD — In spring training, teams often split their squads to allow as many youngsters as possible to get playing time. One weekend recently, one Padre squad played the Cubs while another played the Brewers — and both games were on TV at the same time. I spent the whole time switching back and forth. Channel 3, Channel 4. 3-4-3-4-3-4. Can you tell I live alone? PERHAPS IT’S A BEGINNING — The old La Salsa, on the northwest corner of Cass and Grand, is about to reopen as one of those ’berto Mexican restaurants. And, to my way of thinking, you can’t have too many drive-thru Mexican restaurants. I think this one is ALberto’s. — John Fry may be reached at 272-6655 or [email protected]