“Machete”
Directed by Ethan Maniquis and Robert Rodriguez
Written by Robert Rodriguez and Álvaro Rodríguez
Starring: Danny Trejo, Jessica Alba, Robert DeNiro, Jeff Fahey and Steven Seagal
Rating: 4 out of 5
By Scott Marks
SDUN Film Critic
“Machete” is based on one of the numerous bogus coming attractions director Robert Rodriguez filmed for his “Planet Terror” segment of “Grindhouse.” The ersatz trailer about a renegade Mexican federale features Danny Trejo, Jeff Fahey and Cheech Marin, all of whom reprise their roles in the feature. If “Planet Terror” was an unconvincing endeavor to replicate the mood and style of ’70s schlock, “Machete” is the director’s master’s thesis on the subject. This time Rodriguez and company do something more than just Xerox conventions and hair styles. In one film they establish their own genre—Mexploitation—while assigning long overdue leading man status (and top billing) to Trejo, one of Hollywood’s most rugged and dependable character actors.
Trejo has a complexion that resembles a Shar-Pei dartboard, tresses that are everlastingly a quart low and a voice as mellifluous as the sound of wind whistling through a beer can on a deserted sand dune. Trejo is about as far from a matinee idol as anyone this side of Shemp Howard, yet before the final fade the script calls for him to bed three of Hollywood’s hottest: Jessica Alba (Immigration Customs Agent), Michelle Rodriguez (Freedom Fighter/Taco Vendor) and Lindsay Lohan (Slut).
Not unlike his American International and Canon Films ancestors, Machete is a man of few words and flinty-eyed reserve (Trejo brilliantly mimics Charles Bronson’s lone facial expression) who is resourceful enough to transform any sharpened object into a weapon of death. His character could have just as easily been nicknamed Corkscrew, Cleaver or Meat Thermometer, three kitchen utensils our hero employs as a means of defense.
More than anything, “Machete” promised the pairing of the greatest actor of his generation and arguably the worst. Seeing the names Robert DeNiro and Steven Seagal on the same poster was enough to call for a defibrillator. Alas, billing is the only thing the boys share. The two never grace the same frame and both actors are photographed in tight close-up.
This is understandable in DeNiro’s case since his character, a Texas senator in favor of electric border fences, spends most of his time on screen delivering speeches and defending his stance in videotaped political commercials. Seagal, who hasn’t appeared in a film in almost a decade, has close-ups written into his contract to simultaneously draw attention to his Eddie Munster widow’s peak and mask his girth. It isn’t until the last five minutes that we are treated to a full body shot of the great man draped in slenderizing Nehru threads. And it will take film historians and scholars decades of disputation before it’s determined which is funnier: DeNiro wearing a cowboy hat or dressed as Cantinflas.
Two questions immediately came to mind after watching the movie. First, who put up the completion bond money for a film starring Lindsay Lohan and Michelle Rodriguez? Second, who is Ethan Maniquis and why is he getting top billing over Robert Rodriguez? A quick look at Maniquis’ credits indicates that he spent a decade working in the editorial department on several Rodriguez productions before earning a full-blown editor’s credit on “Planet Terror.” It’s nice to see this kind of loyalty in a town not known for it.
Stallone and his “Expendables” continually wink at their audience as if to acknowledge that the movies they are parodying were really stupid. Not all of them were and Rodriguez knows it (and shows it) by infusing his celluloid genuflection with reverence and a razor-sharp sense of film history. As satisfying as this and “Black Dynamite” are to watch, let’s hope we’re not soon fed a slew of imitators. “Thanksgiving,” the second feature based on the “Planet Terror” trailer, is currently in development and set to be directed by Eli Roth.
